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Abjection - EP

by Introvert

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1.
You are the script I wrote and threw away You are the reason I hate myself and feel this way You are every turn I should have taken You are every road I should have followed You are the reason my voice is shaking; You are the handful of pills I wish I swallowed You are everything to me; You are everything I couldn't be. You are the why I lay awake at night You are the cold sweat drenching my brow with fright You are the chills racing down my spine You are the noose I fashioned from twine You are the reason I waste each day waiting to die. You are the stool kicked loose from my feet. You are the life that won't leave me. YOU ARE MY END AND MY BEGINNING YOU ARE THE LAST THING THAT MADE LIFE WORTH LIVING NOW YOU'RE GONE, GONE AND YOU WONT COME BACK HOW CAN I CARRY ON WITH YOUR KNIFE IN MY BACK? I HOPE YOU FUCKING HEAR THIS SONG AND DREAM OF ME I HOPE YOU CRIED AT THE FUNERAL WHILE THEY BURIED WHAT WE COULD BE. I HOPE I POISON YOUR MIND, DON'T GO TO SLEEP IM IN YOUR DREAMS, THEY'RE A FUCKING DISEASE.
2.
In my head lies a spider's web Every thought I've ever had Sits tangled and dead Just to get devoured by the ghost that you left Crawling through my mind so I'll never get rest - I remember when I used to be reliable Now I scream till my throat bleeds And I can't breathe Everything I know Has left me hanging from the bottom of a fucking rope Help. -- Sick of missing you Sick of losing hope -- If I can't convince you we were worth saving Or sort through all these things I'm feeling Maybe we're better off Hanging from the ceiling. -- This is my complete lack of composure My only fucking source of closure.
3.
I put my roots in the ground Desperately trying to grow But the second I tried to move They only dragged me below --- I feel like I'm missing every opportunity That every face I see is secretly Laughing at me So fucking sick of trying to be The best man I can be So give me a noose and a chair Let this rope set me free. --- I wanna make you feel The same way you made me: Broken, desperate, tired and weak. I'll take a fucking hammer to both of your knees; Pull out your tongue so you won't ever fucking speak to me. --- I'm too stubborn to move on Too stunted to grow All my habits and routines Left me trapped in a hole, Oh, safe, safe [repeat in background] These should have kept me safe Erased, Scared and I'm feeling out of place --- I should have moved on I should have learned how to grow I should have left this behind But I stuck with what I know I know I'll never belong I know I was wrong all along I know I tried to stay strong I know you won't Miss Me When I'm gone -- If pessimism is a crime, then I am guilty till I die I’ll let my body rest in dirt I hope my soul will fucking fry.
4.
I've been pulling hair out of my head Make a rope. Tie a knot. Fuckin' hang till I'm dead. I'm plagued by these things I'm feeling; Better off hanging from the ceiling. Or maybe stuff it back down my throat Till i choke Just to throw it all up Like the lies that you spoke. - Her lies have me losing hope -- I'm plagued by demons The ghost of you Kicking and punching at my head The product of abuse I would die Just to escape these ghosts But life won't be leave me behind No matter what I try. -- This is the end of my rope I hope, I hope I'm hanging at the end of my rope. -- Anxiety Runs its hands along my spine Weaves it's fingers through my ribs And fucking rapes my mind First one through the door Always the last leave One day I'll dig a six foot bed And lay myself to sleep - This is the end of my rope As I lose all will The voice in my head spoke: (Devin) I've spent three years fighting demons cause by anxiety. Just when I get the upper hand, They get the best of me. They ripped up the roots I planted Stripped my dreams of the seeds Fashioned rope out of my hope So they can hang me. But I won't let them win; Between the gun to my head And the blade at my wrist I refuse to give in I'll put an end to all this (Daimien) I feel my self control slipping away, sinking below It won’t do what it’s told. It's clear these demons won't rest until I'm fucking dead I'll sink this blade beneath my skin I'll blow them out of my head. Farewell Goodnight Absolved of failure. Absolved of blight. Plug this hole in my noose With my head and my neck I hope my tombstone reads: (All Three) "Here lies a nervous wreck”
5.
I'm disgusted by the hoops you made me leap through Disgusted by everything I did to impress you I lay awake at night, Skin cold from fright I’ve won war after war just to lose the fight So yeah, I guess I changed But not like you stayed the same; I'm sick of playing inning after inning Just to lose the game. (Acapella) I hope the tears freeze in your eyes so you can't see This fucking monster you've forced me to be. (Tyler Haile) -- Damned if I do and dammed if I don't If you don't give a fuck then I'm better off dead. I’m better off dead. -- I can't believe you, You fucking disease Poisoned my veins Stripped the leaves from my tree I can't believe you, You fucking thief Snuck in my head And stole all my dreams I'm drowning, Drowning can't you see? When the time came You saved yourself not me. I am the shore and you are my sea. Crashing to my head And stealing pieces from me.
6.
The demons in my head share a single name They share a single heart housed in a single frame She is the ghost of every happy moment you shared; Every smile she faked, each time you thought she cared. She has this way of getting into your head Stealing your life And leaving you for dead. She is the empty chamber in a game of Russian Roulette She’s the time you won’t get back and all the money you spent. She is anxiety. She is the death of. The scars on my hands The blisters on my feet. And all the tears I bleed. - She is the end that never comes at quite the right time She is the life that just won’t leave me behind. - I’m sick of songs about you Screaming for help I’m sick of folding these hands Of the cards life has dealt.

about

The last year of my life is a nightmare.

credits

released December 26, 2014

Drums, Vocals: Connor Welsh
Guitar, Bass, Programming: Eric Fletcher
Mixing and Mastering: Eric Fletcher
Huge thanks to Devin MacGillivray, Daimien Hartranft and Tyler Haile for their guest appearances. Additional huge thanks to everyone at ChugCore for supporting and releasing the EP!
All lyrics written by Connor Welsh, except for Tyler Haile's contribution to "She's My Pangea"

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about

Introvert Lancaster, Pennsylvania

Introvert is a frantic, aggressive introspective look into the mind of a maniac.
Michigan//Pennsylvania
Heavy.

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